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May 23rd, 2010
07:23 pm - L O S T
I THINK LOST IS JUST THE IMAGINATION OF A PERSON WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDERS
I hope I am wrong. So SO wrong.
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November 1st, 2009
06:05 pm
friend zone = fuck. my. life. zone.
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July 26th, 2009
02:20 am - I didn't want to do it...but you forced me to do it.
i didn't want to break up with you, but when you read my txt msg's and asked me if I was cheating on you broke my will to be with you. I am not sure if I have the personal power to tell you this fact, but when you keep ignoring the facts and think that I made this decision out of the blue, I want you to know that you drove me to the conclusion of ending our good relationship.
You don't trust me
You think I am cheating on you
You asked me twice if I was cheating on you
You are insecure, having nightmares about Tia and all other girls
You do not know how to not jump the gun.
I am sorry.
I did really like you...but that is gone. I hope that we can still be great friends.
We do not work in a relationship.
:/
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May 15th, 2009
02:29 am - by now I should know
All I am to people in life is the person that they use to find what they want in other people.
Fuck I hate life
I hate that I didn't get a 3.0.
I hate WSU-V.
I hate a lot of things...but I think I am adult enough to just push it aside.
I need for my body to stop twitching.
O yeah, Fuck you Shawn. It took a lot not to just rip out your got damn nipples, eyebrow, and your fucking ears. I hope you fucking die in a car wreck back home like your stupid fucking brother.
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May 14th, 2009
12:12 am
hello working world
=(
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March 26th, 2009
12:30 pm - Stay and fight, Stay and fight, stay and fight
I do not know what to think right now.
I told her I didn't want to talk to her unless she knew what she wanted
I thought it would have taken her longer than 20 minutes to tell me that she thought that we should probably never talk again. Just like breaking up all over again. Another knee-jerk reaction to something that I have done.
I acted like a chicken with my head cut-off and told her no, no cutting each other out, but no talking of the past. Period. We don't need it.
Maybe things will be smoothed out now and I can move on with things in my life.
Application for Jersey is due tomorrow. I want this more than I can express into words. Please, Jesus, let me get it.
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January 15th, 2009
02:36 am
Love is a very strange feeling. I was informed by the (soon ex) gf that love fixes everything and that if you love someone then everything will be ok. Really? Did I miss the memo? Have I been living in a dream for the last 2 years? If love can fix everything, then why did Ruffalo and I fall apart?
Why is it that the one girl that I actually thought I would spend the rest of my life with leave me when I moved back home? Were the feelings we had for each other not true love? Where they emotions of two young people bound together by teenage angst, romance, and a desire to experiece the most treasured emotion of the human experience a lie? No, it was love. Real love.
Love does not fix everything.
Love is not the end-all-be-all of life.
Love cannot save a relationship.
Love cannot give you happiness if you are unhappy.
I don't mean to be a negative person. I have been told that my view point on life is very negative and depressing. I cannot change that: I live the life I was destined to live; I understand this and I realize that my life is going to be a crazy journey.
It is my right to choose how I want to live it and who I want to be in my life. If I feel that we are not able to be together and that I feel that I am not compatible with you, that is my choice to make, not yours. The human experience is one that allows for us to shape our destiny within our limits... one of those limits is to decide who we want to share that experience with. I do not believe that you are the one to continue on to the next leg of my journey.
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August 1st, 2007
09:26 am - Hella pathetic
Going to bars alone is pretty much pathetic. Not to boot a high class yuppis place were everyone is a model for A&F or American Eagle.
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June 30th, 2007
11:46 pm - can't describe.
So, Jess and I are on a break right now. Yeah, it hurts.... :(
Current Mood:  numb
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April 6th, 2007
01:00 am - Can't move, it's an ebbtide
ELO is the kind of music I listen to when I am, just like my title states, caught in an ebb tide. I think this is the point that many people come to when they stop looking to the past for pleasure, but instead start to make the plans for tomorrow. I have come to the point where I have given up on certain tenets and tenets of my lifestyle that I believe have comprised my identity for quite some time. I have not felt nor yearned the gratitude of helping others; I have not desired to be praised; I have not decided to give words of advices; nor have I truly wanted to change or do anything extremely admirable. I have been in a rut for nearly a year now. I have given up on my ability to deffer gratification, pleasure, angst, or any other socially "immoral" qualities. I have given in to an apathetic lifestyle in which I seclude myself from others and ultimately do not care how Others act and feel.
I no longer have so much joy; I feel the powerful vices of society and the constant wax and wane on those within the the ebb & flow of daily social contracts and societal norms. I have realized that I am no longer in school for fun. I am school because I need it, in essence, to become a more productive member of society. That is something that can really damage what and how one thinks of him / herself. I wish to change that. I want to be that kid (young adult or whatever category you want to throw me into) that goes to school with an open mind and an ability to apply everything he learns to his surroundings.
I remember when life read like a Ancient Greek saga. One filled with adventure, scandal, lust, discovery, admiration, and a revival in the human spirit. I want that again. I want to be willing to, at the drop of a hat, go for an adventure, engage in something that goes against (in some degree) some norm. I want to be with the one person I love the most; and, most of all, I want revive what is good and natural in the human experience. I don't want continue on with my current path. My life has become one that, if a book were to be written about, would likely be read as a tragedy with no fairy tale ending or some moral story to tell at the end.
In addition to revitalizing what I use to have, I wish to also be that aspiring individual that would spend hours talking about and philosophising about society, what we can do, and ultimately how we can recognize its problems.
"Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. We have seen the future, and the future is ours." Cesar Chavez said that. I have learned from the past; I am done with trying to hide from what I have done and from what I have learned. It is time to stop hiding. Time to live again. It is time to start raising some issues.
Current Music: ELO-Evil woman
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